sucidal and missing my daughter

i am sitting her contemplating taking my life. I am so tired of living. Im tired of trying. Im tired of caring. I have spent my whole life trying to make shit better for me and mine. i know that the devil is working against me but i feel weak and ready to give in. i have lost everything that matters to me. my child is in foster care. she is my WHOLE reason for living. i have done every thing i could to be a good mother. i am a good mother. i tried too hard and i fucked up. i see that now. my own mother is the worst bitch in the world. i hate her with every thing that is in me. she is the reason i go through what i do. CALL ON GOD they say....I DO!!!!!!!!! i get down on my knees and beg him to help me. i did not ask for the things that i have had to endure in this life Im just so ready for it to be over. my marriage is a joke. he doesnt understand what i feel no matter what he says. he doesnt understand. he has NO family values. his family is SHIT!!!!!!!!
all i ever wanted was to be happy.thats it. I dont ask for more than i think i deserve. im ready to die. i have NOTHING left to live for . nothing to fight for. thats what i really feel. how can a mother hate her child so much that she intentionally interferes with their life. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO FOR HER TO HATE ME AND Y CANT I HEAL??????? im almost 35 and im still dealing with this shit. all of it. every time i forgive she does something to fuck that up. Now she has RUINED my relationship with my daughter. there is nothing left.


I dont want to go to hell. thats the ONLY reason i wont kill myself.