THIS IS THE LETTER SHE WROTE ABOUT ME.......dont send things to my FRIENDS!!!!
Greetings,
So, I’ve really contemplated about sending this. In the end, I am sending because I feel I need to. I am sending this to 5 people, all but 1 of you have known Rasheeda since before her birth. Please don’t feel compelled to reply, I am not seeking judgment for/from anyone nor am I gathering a “ posse” . I love Rasheeda.
May 30st Rasheeda informed me she had been beaten by an 18yr old female at the insistence of , direction of and in the presence of her mother, Kiki. ( in 'emails from daughter', it is the last email) Yes, Kiki stood there while Rasheeda was brutally beaten. I called 911 to no avail. The next day I took Rasheeda to the CPS offices. Here, she told her story and added her mother GAVE her “weed” to smoke. She was committed to foster care that afternoon and taken to JHH emergency room for her injuries. As you may recall I had custody of Rasheeda when she was 4yrs old when her mother lost custody. Because my name was in the system 24 yrs ago she could not be placed with me. If you are wondering why 10 yrs ago and not now, the law changed 10 weeks ago. Any history with CPS disqualifies you.
In a placement hearing June 2nd Kiki stated she feared for Rasheeda’s life with me, I didn’t really know Rasheeda, I spent no time with her and she’d trust the foster care system over me.
Kiki was charged with 2nd degree assault and 2nd degree child abuse the next day. She went to court on the 28th NOT about Rasheeda but for her preliminary hearing, the link is included. She was NOT there for Rasheeda at all. Her trial is July 28th. THAT’S why she is in foster care, her mother was charged again, with abuse.
This Tuesday July 12, 2011 we return to court for Rasheeda. I drained my savings and retained an attorney. Rasheeda is doing well, very well. She is already off many of the mind/body mood altering drugs her mother had her own. You all know Kiki has never worked, the only income they had for years was the disability check for Rasheeda. Well, she’s not as disabled as you’ve been told. There are many challenges ahead of her, and I am there! Was it my plan to raise a 14yr old? Absolutely not, Smitty is 30!! Have I always known this day was coming.. I would have to say yes.
If you are still reading, thank you for your friendship, support, love, and well wishes for her and me. Although Rasheeda clearly has some responsibilities in her life, l she is not the monster devil child even she herself has been told she is.
Keep us in your prayers...all of us.
Wajeeha
KiKi's case http://casesearch.courts.state.md.us/inquiry/inquiryDetail.jis?caseId=3B02113254&loc=3&detailLoc=DSCR
LOOKS LIKE THE ARE GOING TO DISMISS IT TO ME!!!!
7/12/11
7/8/11
Sitting in the rain
I am sitting out front, on the porch watching it rain. I miss Rasheeda but this is not about her :)
This is about my wonderful husband. Allah has truly blessed me with a good man! I am one of urge most important things in his life and I am so grateful for him. He has put up worth A LOT from me and my family in the last 8 years.he could have left many times and said I'm done with this crazyness but he has stayed and been my support! There is NO man I have dated that has been like Tim. None! Everyone has their breaking point and I'm so grateful wed are working on us before he reaches his.
6/24/11
letter to the BITCH
show details 04/22/2010
I have been waiting for almost a month for you to reach out to me. with everything that I am going through with Rasheeda I knew i could count on one person to understand because they had been through it as well. I was wrong. again. u are my mother and I love u but the reality is that u are just the woman who gave me life. we have never had a mother daughter relationship. I harbor so many ill feelings towards you that it hurts me. I have made it my lifes mission to be a better mother than u were and I FAILED! I gave her all the things I wanted from you and it made no difference. it almost feels like u are praying for me to go through this because of all the problems I had growing up. did u ever stop to ask ur self Y i acted the way I did or did u just not care.
as I approach 34 I know in my heart that for the last 24 years u have never acknowledged honestly that Melvin molested me. Well he did instead of helping me with my french homework. and of all the things in the world that hurts me the most. I am so paranoid behind it. and IT is the reason I have never bothered to have a relationship with him except for when i was in the shelter. and before he did it there was rita the babysitter and anita melvins niece. i had reasons to act out there was something WRONG! I can remember talking to on the phone and lying to ms ringgold about the two boys in the vestibule. now heres the kicker I was raped by my brother tommie and since i was already pregnant there was no harm done as he said.who could i tell? u didn't beleive me about mel. Now Tommie is doing 40 yrs for doing the same thing to someone else. i am traumatized by my own life. what did i do that was so wrong for no one to love me. to treat me like crap. I can remember fights u and mel had. this shit haunts my dreams as what I thought was blocked out is coming back. it all comes back as i go crazier. I can remember the look on ur face when the dr said I was pregnant and even the look of relief after my abortion. I am still hurting behind that did u know that. no one does cuz im the village idiot with no sense. for years I listened to u and smitty make jokes, I laughed but i was hurting. I did not ask to be born or to suffer from depression that was from the drugs yall did before i was conceived. i am tired of being the butt of jokes. foster care screwed me up. u have NO IDEA of the things i went through. I hate my life and wish you had not have had me. that u had had that abortion u used to talk about u should have had. growing up knowing that u despised me was FUN! cursing me out and then saying ur sorry, even more fun. when u got better with ur 12 steps what about us? what about me. Im not better . Im not healed. where are the steps for all the crap I have had to endure?
the first step for me to to say goodbye to eveyone who has cause me pain, mommi I love u but i cant have u be a part of my life because it hurts too much. my daughter is going into a group home in a few weeks and whats the point of being married, there is not one person in my family who is married and working things out so y should i. I give up! the devil has won.
It is finished
Is it ODD or ...GOD? U decide!
Get in where you fit in!!!!
www.mskiki520.blogspot.com
sucidal and missing my daughter
i am sitting her contemplating taking my life. I am so tired of living. Im tired of trying. Im tired of caring. I have spent my whole life trying to make shit better for me and mine. i know that the devil is working against me but i feel weak and ready to give in. i have lost everything that matters to me. my child is in foster care. she is my WHOLE reason for living. i have done every thing i could to be a good mother. i am a good mother. i tried too hard and i fucked up. i see that now. my own mother is the worst bitch in the world. i hate her with every thing that is in me. she is the reason i go through what i do. CALL ON GOD they say....I DO!!!!!!!!! i get down on my knees and beg him to help me. i did not ask for the things that i have had to endure in this life Im just so ready for it to be over. my marriage is a joke. he doesnt understand what i feel no matter what he says. he doesnt understand. he has NO family values. his family is SHIT!!!!!!!!
all i ever wanted was to be happy.thats it. I dont ask for more than i think i deserve. im ready to die. i have NOTHING left to live for . nothing to fight for. thats what i really feel. how can a mother hate her child so much that she intentionally interferes with their life. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO FOR HER TO HATE ME AND Y CANT I HEAL??????? im almost 35 and im still dealing with this shit. all of it. every time i forgive she does something to fuck that up. Now she has RUINED my relationship with my daughter. there is nothing left.
I dont want to go to hell. thats the ONLY reason i wont kill myself.
2/21/11
today
My therapist told me to start using my blog since I journal. Been going it since I was a kid. Kinda makes sense to me so.......lets see how this goes. I am having an Ok day at the moment.....
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4/18/09
Proud of my self
Well to anyone who happens by I am sooo proud of myself for putting this blog together. I have seen blog sites for a while but I have never bothered to do one. I have a myspace and myyearbook and a couple other few so now I think this is my GROWN AND Sexy site. I have a headache...too much RUM PUNCH LAST NIGHT. More to come....
4/17/09
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